Title: Liar
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: Songfic, of course. NC-17 for hot sticky stuph. Plus language and, you know, mentions of homosexuality and such.
Status: posted here for the first time October 2004
Archive: Drop me a note and it's yours. And here's how:
Feedback: Kelandris
Series/Sequels: Dunno, really. I think nothing will sequel, then it does, and I spent half a year writing them all down. So, it's anyone's guess.
Disclaimers: All parts of my fannish being are enriched by the presence of Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, and all the merry characters at View Askew Productions (including their current master, Miramax,) save for that pesky financial part of my being, which receives no compensation whatsoever for these tawdry little tales.
Notes: I'm vaguely depressed today, due to local infighting which is ongoing. So I'm taking it out on the boys. They will find a way to make me pay for this later, I'm sure. The initial summary on this piece, written when I first wanted to use this song, was "Jay has a serious disbelief thing going. And it's going to take everything Bob has to convince him love is for real." But that really no longer applies. Jay still does have a serious denial thing going, but Bob hasn't convinced him of shit.
Summary: Sometimes, love means nothing, as Bob finds out.
Warnings: Angst. ANGST, Modge-girl, SERIOUS ANGST. Also heavy sticky sweaty sex. And Jay being more clueless than usual. And Bob getting all hurt and sad. And pet-store action (no, not what you're thinking, put the wading boots away.) Some language warnings. Some heavy drug mentions, though no heavy drug use. No light drug use, for that matter.


"Liar"
by Kelandris the Mad


*liar
I haven't time to sympathise
with all this nonsense and your lies
you are the king of nothing
but you shall hold me*

"Hey."

Bob looked up to see his blond roommate walking towards him, a bemused smile on his face. His lips looked slightly bruised, and he had that just-laid swagger. He knew that just-laid look quite well; he'd seen it in countless bars and clubs and raves, and recently, he'd seen it as Jay walked across the apartment, walked away from a quite sated, and usually stunned as hell, Bob, left lying on the couch or on the bed.

Yeah. Bob knew that look. He looked around the mall, wondering who he'd managed to nail in the space between selling the last kid a dime bag and walking back to Bob, business conducted.

Unless...Bob felt his lips curling back, and fought for composure...it had been the kid, all gangly limbs and androgynous clothes and glossy black hair and lipstick. He'd been cute enough for four, all right, and Jay went for that sometimes. There were times Bob dreamed he was thinner, or cuter, or went for makeup in a Jay-enticing way, but most of the time Bob was comfortable with himself. More than he had been in a long while, actually, because Jay seemed to want him, big ass and all. Which had been very flattering for his system, he had to admit.

*you've got your finger on the pulse
and in my pocket, yes of course
I am the voice of treason
but you betrayed me*

He watched Jay carefully as the blond leaned back against the pet shop window. Within seconds he'd jumped into the aisle again, bumping his hips, grinding to the music that played endlessly in his head. Seconds past that he was back to making showily huge plays for the attention of passing girls, arms laden with shopping bags from the boutiques. They looked him up and down--scuffed Docs on his feet, white thermal leggings, long black cut-off shorts, black t- shirt, black knit cap pulled down over shining strands of poured- honey hair--and dismissed him with a sneer. Skater trash. Junkie boy. Pothead. Poor and stupid. Not worth their time.

Bob fought back a grin. How wrong they were. Jay was anything but stupid, though he had a sixth-grade vocabulary, most of the time. And, sure, he smoked a lot of pot, and would open his mouth for any passing pill without question, which was something that had always worried Bob. But he'd ditched the needles, he'd ditched anything he had to cook, or snort, or slap into his system, and that was slowly improving his brain's ability to function. He still had the junkie- crazed nights, where Bob wrapped him in blankets and held him while he shivered, craving heroin with all the intensity he normally reserved for sex.

But those nights were growing few and far between. And besides, the yuppie chicklets not wanting him was all the better for Bob. Left more for him. Most of the time. Who had he found to fuck in the mall?

Jay bopped back to the window, banging on the clear glass again and irritating the shop owners. For some reason they never stepped out and told them to leave, which Bob had always found rather unnerving. Were they hoping for a sale? Shit, Jay forgot *goldfish* needed food now and again, he'd be scared to have him try his luck with a mammal.

Besides that, the Eden Prairie mall was an odd place to begin with. It was slightly out of their territory, yet no one had tried to kick their ass yet. And LaFours pretty much knew who they were and what they did, and staying out of his way took up a lot of time. Yet, if he really wanted them out of the mall, all he would have had to do is call the cops and get a restraining order against them.

**Shit,** he thought, watching Jay move out into the aisle again, **all it would take is disturbing the peace. Jay does that every time we come here. He wouldn't have to prove the dealing at all.**

He looked around, watching Jay, watching the patrons move through their rounds of window-shopping and buying. It was getting on to four in the afternoon. About time to head home.

He walked forward, tapping Jay on the shoulder, and tossed his head in the direction of the door. Jay nodded, his head still bopping to that internal beat, and looped an arm companionably around his waist as they walked to the side entrance. A few short steps to the shuttle stop, and they were once again standing in place, waiting. Not even enough time to consider a conversation passed before the shuttle pulled up and drove them off to the main bus stop in Leonardo.

It was only a half-hour or so before the next bus left them off outside their building. Twenty stairs up and Bob unlocked the door, ushering in Jay ahead of him, and carefully removing his trench and hanging it up. Jay, as usual, sprawled on the couch for a moment before he sprang up and moved back out into the room, jiving for a bit before slinking over to the CD rack. He flipped out five CDs seemingly at random, and clicked them into the player, which for once was actually empty. Bob sat down, closing his eyes, and waiting for the shuffle to decide his fate.

The first clear piano notes filled the air and he smiled. Oh, there was probably head-banging to come, but he'd chosen Tori to start with, which meant he'd probably clicked in at least one Alanis CD as well. Interesting.

More than interesting--as his eyes were closed, listening, he suddenly found his lap full of nearly purring blond, who was tilting back his head and licking his neck.

"C'mon, tubby, you gotta get outta these clothes," Jay murmured into his ear.

Bob reached down and pulled the shirt over his head. While he was doing so, he heard a soft voice ask, "Do you love me?"

With shock and dawning horror, he realized he'd asked the question. Jay froze on his lap.

"What the fuck you on now, Lunchbox? Shit, you think I fuckin' love your ass just `cause I need some lovin' more'n the average shit on the street? Fuck, man, you are just fuckin', fuckin', *convenient*, s'what you are. Shit..."

Bob finished pulling off his shirt and stared at Jay. Well. There it was. Distrust and aggravation and fear all bundled together, sharp corners facing out. Ready for deployment and deployment was achieved. And now they could go back to the comfortable pattern-- Jay, in fact, already considering the conversation over, was stroking his hands along Bob's ribs, making him shiver.

*I used up nearly all my luck
I didn't have to try
but yesterday is gone,
and now I need an alibi*

But he couldn't let it go. There was a hard nugget of need inside him, and however much this conversation was going to hurt, today he had to have it. He had to know. If it meant they stopped having nights like this, he still had to know.

Shit.

"Do you love me?" he asked again, and Jay looked wounded for a moment. His mouth hung open and his lower lip trembled, and his eyes darkened to a stormy-sea blue.

"This is fucked up."

Bob looked up, stroking a hand down Jay's cheek, watching him shiver. Why was he doing this? It would be so much fucking easier if he could just let it go. But something inside wouldn't let him.

*if this gets any stranger
things are gonna change
'cos I can't stand the music
always lying*

Alanis was singing now, as he'd thought, singing about loss and heartbreak, and he blinked heavily, looking up at Jay.

"Which? Loving me, or talking about it?"

Jay rose from him, walking quickly across the room into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge. When he turned around, Bob was standing there, and he yelped, jumping back.

"Shit, bitch, you gotta stop *doing* that! Man, one of these days I'm gonna end up punchin' your ass and shit, 'cos I didn't hear you walk up or nothin'!"

Bob just stared at him, waiting. Man, this was hard. It was hard for him talking in the first place, hard for him to keep his emotions out of the words. He always felt like when he talked, everything he carefully kept inside came spilling out, and he stood naked and afraid, exposed to the world. Jay was the only one who seemed to understand that, and though he gave him endless shit about his silence, he also supported him for needing that silence. How many other roommates would put up with a friend who so rarely spoke, it tended to startle people when he did, as if they'd forgotten he could speak at all?

On the other hand, how many people would put up with the endless mountains of shit Jay put out, just in the course of a single day, let alone when he was actually upset at someone for a specific thing? Not damn many. And Bob should know.

Jay twitched in place, gulping the beer, until he seemed to realize that just standing there and not looking at Bob was not making him leave.

"What the fuck you want now??" he screamed, setting the beer down so violently it rocked to the side, tipping over. A thin trickle of leftover beer and foam ran out onto the counter.

Bob shook his head. Shit, what was this going to take? He stepped forward, placing a hand on either side of Jay's head, and leaned in, kissing the boy. Within moments he felt Jay's hands wrap around his bare back, nails digging in, pulling him closer, as close as he could get.

*if that's what it takes I'll do it
(I'll do it)
I'll keep on right on through it
(on through it)*

And he broke off the kiss, stepping back, staring at Jay. Waiting.

Jay blinked his eyes open, still moaning faintly.

"No, fuck you, c'mon back, don't stop kissin' me..."

"Do you love me?"

"Fuck no!" Jay screamed. Bob turned, walking out of the kitchen.

"Don't leave me!"

Bob turned back, hearing the panic and fear in Jay's voice. Jay had no idea how much he hated doing this. And he couldn't even tell him right now, because he wouldn't hear it. Instead, he simply raised an eyebrow, watching him.

"You're gonna make me fuckin' say it, aren't you? You total shit."

Bob shrugged. Jay pulled off the knit cap, dropping it onto the counter and scrubbing at his scalp.

"Shit. Shit. Shit fuck shit." He glared out of the gold curtain of his hair, grimacing.

"Okay. Okay, if that's what it fuckin' takes so you'll lemme fuck you now and again, then yeah. I love your fat ass. Man, I can't wait to get you naked. I dream about buyin' you chocolates and flowers and shit. Ooh, yeah, I live for getting' down on my knees and suckin' on you, and hearin' you moan, and, um, and feelin' your hands in my hair..."

Somewhere in the middle of the tirade Jay had gone off somewhere. Bob had watched him, fascinated, as he traveled from angry and pissed off to the dreamy, lustful look he wore now, his hands still at his sides. He was moments away from some kind of realization. Which way was he gonna jump?

*so please believe me when I say
I wouldn't give the time of day
because then I'd be faking
when I could tell the truth*

Jay surprised him, jumping on him literally and knocking him to the floor.

"Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, gotta have you in me, man, gotta fuckin' have you..."

He tore off his pants, tearing down Bob's at the same time, Bob feeling as if Jay had suddenly sprouted five new hands. One of them held a condom that had appeared as if by magic. Bob opened his mouth and Jay shoved his tongue in it. He heard the foil package tear and felt Jay's fingers on his hardening cock, rolling the condom down. His face still occupied with sucking on Jay's tongue, he heard a flip- top cap flip up, and a squirt of lube landed in his palm, cold jel slowly warming. That hand lifted as if by magic into the air, guided by the lightest of pressures, Jay's slender fingertips lightly touching his wrist.

Then Jay leaned against him, guiding that hand towards his parted legs, towards the puckered opening between them, and Jay only broke off the kiss when one of Bob's fingers slipped inside him.

"Fuck!" he cried, closing his eyes and tossing his head back. His entire body arched forward, pressing himself down on the invading finger, and Bob worked on opening him while Jay ran his hands up and down Bob's latex-clad cock, earning moans and whispers from Bob as he did.

"Fuck yeah, fuck, please, please, fuck me Bob, fuck me fuck me fuck me--"

Jay squirmed back on top of Bob, thrusting against Bob briefly, trapping his hand between their two cocks and crying out for more. Bob thrust inside as soon as he could remove his hand, scrubbing off the stickiness of lube onto the carpet, and filled him, filled Jay completely while Jay writhed in abandon on his body.

Consciousness whited out for a moment, all motion the motion of flesh, Bob's cock rising and falling with his hips as he steadily fucked the blond. He treasured each earned moan, each cry, each whimper, and somewhere in there he could have sworn he heard Jay say his name, say he loved him. But there wasn't time to stop, there wasn't time to ask anything then. There was only time to kiss his friend, his lover, hold him close, fuck him until he couldn't hold back any more and had to flip the blond onto his back. Nearly growling, he grabbed Jay's ankles, holding his legs wide apart, fucking him brutally. He was now moaning himself, screams needing to be aired building up behind the fence of his teeth.

And Jay, Jay took it all, took everything he was given, hands, mouth, tongue pleading for more, pleading with Bob, begging him with every arched inch of him, needing, wanting, hopelessly his toy.

Why the fuck couldn't he just say it? Why couldn't he just say--

"JAY!" Bob screamed. "LOVE YOU, JAY!"

And he came, filling Jay with hot salty fluid, moaning as he jerked forward, pumping come inside the blond. Only moments later, Jay shuddered and whimpered and sprayed jets of come over their bellies, still pressed together, Bob still inside, only partially softening as seconds ticked endlessly by.

With a groan, Jay pushed Bob off of him, easing out from underneath and sitting up. He cracked his neck, tilting his head from side to side.

"Shit, man, why you gotta bring love into this? I don't fuckin' love you already. I just love the way you fuck." And he rose from the carpet and ambled off to the bathroom.

Bob looked at him leave, and Jay would have run from the apartment if he could have seen the look in those narrowed, dark eyes. Rising from the carpet as if he was favoring an injury, Bob moved carefully into the kitchen, wetting down a kitchen towel and cleaning his body of their shared fluids. Then, still moving carefully, he gathered up their clothes and walked stiffly to his room. He shut the door, flipped the latch on the inside shut, and watched the metal gleam in the lowering light.

First time he'd done that in...shit. Since Jay had moved in he'd never latched his door. He'd somehow never felt the need to.

And with that thought, he realized he was crying, and sank to the floor, leaning against the wall as the only support he currently possessed. Because Jay didn't love him, even though he desperately loved Jay. What the hell did he do now?

*were you abandoned in your youth?
because if not, you will be soon
I'm growing tired of waiting
for you to say goodbye*

END
(Song is New Order's "Liar")
*****************
Kelandris the Mad
precious little moments of lucidity


If you wanna go back, go back. If you wanna read the next one, read the next one. If you wanna go somewhere else...hey, I ain't stoppin' you.

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