Title: Still Not a River
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, general
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob (angst piece, with new added sex)
Rating: NC-17 at this point. Intensity, graphic m/m sex, language.
Status: posted to this site somewhen in 2002 originally
Archive: You must send an email to me and let me know where you intend to archive. Private archiving allowed as long as you don't intend to publish. Behave.
Email address for feedback: Kelandris
Series/Sequel: Sequels "Not Just a River in Egypt".
Disclaimers: All characters belong to Kevin Smith and the View Askewniverse. If I really get into this, I probably will too. Or at least go into hock when I walk into a video store, go into rut, and buy all the DVDs at once.
Notes: This can be directly attributed to riding around in a car all day listening to Jethro Tull, XTC and Olivia Newton-John, of all things, and for lunch, some very excellent Mongolian barbecue. Even the fortune cookie was telling: "Youth and beauty do not wisdom make." Ain't that the friggin' truth. Also, I have now moved from heel to utter shit--in this one, I make Jay cry. Cannot seem to get a grip on that love for angst...
Story: Jay decides to prove to Bob once and for all that he's not gay.


"Still Not a River"
by Kelandris the Mad


It was quiet. Too quiet.

For once, the short hop from the theatre to Bob's crib seemed to take hours. Jay filled it with every word he knew--he told old jokes, reviewed comics at random, talked up movies and books and every tv show he'd ever seen. And all the while the back of his head screamed *nonononono*, louder with each mile that crawled by.

Bob, for his part, said nothing, but said it very significantly. It wasn't even the normal looks that spoke volumes, or the hand twitches or head tilts that Jay, gritting his teeth, refused to call graceful. It was more...complete. Like the silence would never lift or some shit. Jay shook his head, wondering what was left to say.

The bus wheezed to a halt, and while getting off the bus, Jay narrowed his eyes, looking at Bob. Trademark black trench, still gleaming from its weekly coat of oil. Sneakers that looked old and scuffed, but he knew how much Bob had paid for them. Under the coating of dirt they were good supple leather, and he could run flat out in them, faster than Jay could in his Docs.

Above that, hefty muscled calves dusted in fine brown hair, and cut-off sweats in black, pretty much all he ever wore. T-shirt on top of the sweats, this one black with a glowing Ghost Rider logo. The tips of Bob's shoulder-length brown hair grazed the collar of the trench, and the beard was close-trimmed around those soft, pink lips. And the eyes--

Jay yelped, stepping back, nearly falling into the street as the bus pulled away. Bob closed the eyes that had been intensely staring at Jay, shook his head, and walked the two blocks to their apartment.

Jay followed, running his hands through loose blond locks. Sometimes he really wondered about Bob. Motherfucker obviously had no idea how cute he was--

*Aaack*. Jay grimaced, shaking his head. **Fuck if I'll be gay for you, Lunchbox,** he thought resentfully. **And I'll prove it. I'll show you. Just like I said I would.**

Walking up the stairs, he looked up, seeing Bob standing there. Damn, he couldn't read him at all. What was up with that? He watched as Bob reached a hand out, pushing open the door he'd already unlocked. And the shit just stood there, staring at Jay.

It was as if Bob had erased his face, and replaced the one Jay knew better than he knew his own with this...mask, this blank. Only the eyes moved. And they just flicked to the right once, gesturing Jay inside. Silently. And that was all.

Defiant, Jay raised his chin, marshalling a sneer and marching upstairs.

**nonononono--**

Crossing his arms, he stood in the center of the room, looking around.

**Okay, you're here. Now what, dipshit?**

He jumped when Bob came up behind him. He could hear Bob breathing, feel the slow exhalations on the back of his neck. Jay shivered, watching the leather trench sail onto the couch, draping in elegant folds.

**nononono--**

**Shut up.**

Jay turned towards Bob, grabbing his hand and leading him to the couch. He waited until Bob sat down, then straddled him, one knee on either side of the bearded man's legs. He could feel Silent Bob tense underneath him but the mask was still in place. That awful, dead face...Jay focused on Bob's eyes, ignoring any other instinct.

"You trust me, don't you Bob?"

Soft scared high voice, fuckin' annoyed him. He swallowed, waiting. Bob gave him a marginal head shake. Jay peered into his dark eyes and saw...something. Nerves? Fear? Some emotion. It was enough.

His hands were shaking like a girl's, but he brought them up to touch Bob's face. Bob flinched, just a little, as Jay ran his fingers over his cheeks, over his ears, over his lips.

"Shhh," he said.

**nononono**

**Shut up, I said.**

He leaned in, touching his lips to Bob's. Fuck if that wasn't interesting, now--Bob's lips were trembling. They were also as soft as he remembered, and just for a moment he relaxed, kissing him, his tongue licking along the bow curve of Bob's lower lip.

**Fuck yeah,** he thought. **Now that was the shit. Man, this was as good as--

**Aaaack. I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I don't fucking care what you do--**

But his hands were moving, sliding over the rounded planes of Bob's chest, center palms stopping over Bob's nips as if programmed, and the back of his head replaying a scene from last summer. Last summer when it had been too fucking hot to breathe, and Bob--shy, reserved, never undressed alone in the house if the door wasn't closed Bob--had come home one day, stripped down to shorts and a pained expression, and bent over the kitchen sink, dousing his head in cold water.

Jay knew this because he'd walked in just in time to see Bob whirl around and stare at him, hair dripping sheets of icy water through the fur on his chest, gasping as the water dripped down across his nipples and belly. And Jay had stood there, memorizing every revealed inch of skin and hair, every contour and curve and line, as his reserved roomie had walked across the floor, wrapped only in shorts and dignity, to his room.

Now, that flash of memory burned him, burned in him as his palms cupped and released over Bob's chest, feeling the little flesh nubs under the shirt tighten and harden. He shifted on Bob's lap, biting his lip. Fuck, he felt harder than he'd ever been in his whole life. And Bob gasped, eyes locking with Jay's, and the mask fell. Jay saw emotion, strong emotion: naked want, yearning, desire, frustration, outright lust--

It surprised some sound out of him and his hips bucked forward. Just one thrust, one thrust and he stopped, balls aching with tension, but it was enough.

Fuck if Bob wasn't harder than he was.

**nononono**

**Shut. The fuck. UP.**

This time, he sent his hand down to dive underneath Bob's waistband. His fingers curled around Bob's cock, and his head was instinctively measuring circumference. The fact that his fingers just barely touched his thumb made the muscles in his thighs jump and twitch. Bob was *huge*. Holy shit.

And then Bob made some sound, grabbing his head and pulling him close, and kissing him. Kissing him. He opened his mouth, moaning, and Bob dove in, licking along the underside of Jay's tongue, darting the tip of his over his teeth, shiveringly along his palate, wrapping that strong muscle around Jay's tongue and sucking him in. Jay moaned again, everything clenching for a moment as he imagined Bob's mouth, Bob's seeking tongue wrapped around something else.

That surprised a whimper out of him, and he bucked his hips again, his hand tightening the circle around Bob's hard cock, which earned another hungry moan from Bob. Suddenly he broke off the kiss, pulling up Jay's t-shirt and throwing it over his head and across the room. Bob kissed him again, hands fisting in his long hair, then licked down his neck, across his collarbone, down to his nipples.

Jay began to tremble, fighting back hysterical laughter.

**What really goes on in the Wayne Mansion--**

**nonono, I'm not, this isn't, we aren't--**

**How many times I gotta tell you to shut up?**

And Bob's mouth fastened on one of his nipples, sucking, and the world went white.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered, and he swore he could feel Bob smiling against his chest. His lip curled back.

**Yeah, laugh it up now, you fat fuck, we'll see about that shit--**

Jay's other hand darted under Bob's waistband, both hands working what felt like a bar of skin-covered steel. That earned him another gasp, and Bob leaned his forehead for a moment against Jay's nearly hairless chest.

**So you can be distracted,** Jay thought, grinning. **Superman ain't invincible, after all.**

"Kiss me again," Bob said hoarsely, looking up at Jay, and the heat in his eyes scorched through him, leaving him panting in its wake. Jay pulled his hands free and pulled Bob's t-shirt off. He curled one hand around the back of Bob's neck, drawing him forward, and kissed him again. By the end of it they were both moaning, and Jay was thrusting his hips forward mindlessly, wanting things he'd only heard about in whispered stories. He knew what he wanted. Who he wanted.

**nononono**

**Fuck you, too.** And he rose off Bob's lap, pulling him up beside him, both men panting slightly, Bob's legs wobbling. Jay felt drugged just watching him.

**Fuck me. I did that.**

He reached out, drawing Bob close, feeling the man inhale against him. His hands reached for Jay's hair again, and Jay closed his eyes, feeling Bob's fingers curl around the back of his neck, caress the nape slowly, caress the curve of his ears. He shivered all over, licking his lips.

"Oh, God--oh, fuck--oh, no, no--"

"No?" Bob breathed on heated air into his ear. He shuddered, gasping. Bob chuckled again, darting the pointed tip of his tongue into the narrow passage, moving it slowly around to the lobe of the ear.

Jay cried out, collapsing in Bob"s arms, and Bob held him steady.

**So strong,** he thought. **So fucking strong...** He pressed his face against Bob's furred chest, then his eyes snapped open again.

**How strong are you, Lunchbox? Let's find out.**

The back of his head had abandoned English now, gibbering in abject fear as he sank to his knees, pulling Bob's sweats down around his ankles. He smelled sweat and salt and hot skin, and closed his eyes as he took the head of Bob's twitching cock into his mouth, lifting his hands to wrap around Bob's hips.

Mm, and the fat bitch had a voice, didn't he? A series of lovely little whimpering sounds cascaded around Jay's head as he worked on Bob. His cheeks hollowed out with the effort of sucking him, and some part of his head was flashing him technique hints from the hundreds of porn vids he'd seen.

**Work it, baby, work it--**

**Why I oughta--**

One hand unwrapped from Bob's thrusting hips, dove under the waistband of his own sweats, pumping his meat in time with Bob's cries. He was vaguely proud of the fact that he'd taken Bob beyond words, too, just this low moaning set of ardent sounds, accompanied by hip thrusts and trembling.

His hand stroked up Bob's ass to curl in the hollow of his back. Oh, he loved the trembling, the fine shiver running through Bob, electric. Jay gasped, his fingers pressing just behind the head of his cock. No. No. He wanted to come with Bob. With Bob. With--

"Ahhh!" Bob screamed, fingers splaying in Jay's hair, then tightening, pulling his head forward. Salty fluid sprayed the back of his throat, and Jay struggled to swallow it all, but there was so much--

A trickle of creamy white ran from the corner of his mouth as he looked up, seeing Bob staring down at him. His dark eyes were shining, and that was all it took for Jay to cry out, spraying his hand and his shorts with come. He was still twitching on the floor, licking residue off his lips, when Bob yanked him to his feet. They were both swaying a little, and Jay's knees nearly gave out entirely when Bob kissed him again.

Yeah, that was it, wasn't it? What did all the girls say, the man really loves you when he kisses you anyway? Oh, yeah. And, and, shit...Jay twitched in Bob's arms, clouted with revelation.
**I love this fat motherfucker! Holy shit!**

His arms tightened around Bob, his long face breaking into a wide grin when Bob broke away for air. **Gotta tell him,** Jay thought, **don't care, gotta say it, he's gotta know--**

"See, Lunchbox?" Jay said. "And you thought I was gay."

Time...

...stopped. Jay's mouth dropped open, and he pushed against the lump in his throat to say something, say *anything*, before it was too late. But as he watched, the joy and lust and ardent glow in Bob's eyes dimmed, darkened, and he watched the chilling mask he'd seen for the first time today rise again.

**No. Fuck, no. Don't listen to me, Lunchbox, you know I'm a stupid shit, why ain't you ignoring me like always??**

And he watched Bob turn, pick up his shorts, walk around to grab his t-shirt, and walk around Jay once more to go to his room. The quiet click of the door closing resonated like the stone door of a tomb. Jay clapped a hand to him mouth, muffling a cry, and ran to the bathroom.

**You stupid fuck you stupid stupid fuck--**

Slamming the door he turned the sink on full blast, both faucets, and bent his head into the spray.

**Oh, yeah, you're not gay--blowing some guy you're in love with, no, why would that make you gay??**

He splashed water on his face, scrubbing at his chin, surprising tears scalding his cheeks.

**Fuck yeah, all the straight boys wash come off their face now and again--**

The door opened behind him. He rose, seeing Silent Bob in the mirror. New tee, new sweats, trench and ballcap. Shoes, even. He wore a dangerous look on his still face.

**My Muscle's in full armor,** Jay thought hysterically. **Yeah, this is good.**

He shut the water off, turning around, wiping tears away angrily.

Deliberately, Bob tapped out a cigarette, hanging it from his kiss-reddened lips. He flicked the lighter open, the harsh metallic sound making Jay flinch. He lit the cig, inhaling deeply and blowing smoke out one side of his mouth, out the bathroom door.

"You wanna try that again?" he asked. His voice was low and dark, sounding as dangerous as he looked.

Jay stuck out his chin, pulling defiance out of nowhere.

"So now what? You gonna hit me 'cause I didn't say I love your ass?"

His eyes widened as he watched Bob grit his teeth, smoke still curling up lazily from the glowing tip of the cig. He shrank back against the sink as Bob stepped forward, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him forward by sheer strength. He closed his eyes, waiting for the blow.

It didn't come. When he opened one eye cautiously, he saw Bob standing there, staring at him.

"What?" Jay asked. He watched Bob cock his head, and it scared him how he could see the wheels and cogs turning in Bob's brain, thinking this problem through. Like it was all a matter of logistics.

**Logistics my ass,** he sneered, then stopped. Fuck, he got them into this. **Okay, brave boy, what the hell do we do now?**

Time stopped again, even his nervous blink seeming in slow motion. When it snapped back to normal movement, he had it. It might kill him, but he had the answer.

He leaned into Bob's grasp, pushing his face closer. Swallowing, he locked eyes with the bearded man, waiting. One heartbeat. Two. Water dripped from one of the faucets behind him, echoing in the small room.

"I love you," he finally said, nearly whispering it. **And I'm sorry,** he thought, but couldn't push that through the stubborn knot in his throat. Guess it was only one fucked admission a day.

Bob shook his head again, releasing Jay's shoulders with a flick of his wrists. He tapped ash from the cigarette tip into the bathroom's overcrowded ashtray.

"I know." Stubbing out the cig, he walked from the bathroom, pausing only when he reached the door. He turned then, looking at Jay, and there was a world of crowded emotions that crossed that face. Jay reeled from the impact of everything Bob had just shown him, but he stood, taking it, clutching the door frame for support.

"I needed to know if you knew," he said softly, and walked out.

Jay collapsed on the floor of the bathroom, trembling.

**Okay, kids, let's not do anything that stupid for a while. Can we just have that all in agreement? Can we just smoke some good weed and wait for Bob to come back, even?** Jay shook his head, wrapping his arms around his drawn-up legs and dropping his head to his knees.

**So now what do we do, dipshit?**

And for once he didn't even have a smart-ass answer in reply.

END
*****************
Kelandris the Mad
working on a cure for Jay's dense heart


If you wanna go back, go back. If you wanna read the next one, read the next one. If you wanna go somewhere else...hey, I ain't stoppin' you.

Or if you want, write me.