Title: Dazed and Confused
Author: Kelandris the Mad
Fandom: View Askewniverse, general
Pairing: Jay/Silent Bob
Rating: Songfic, NC-17 for implied and actual homosexual sex; language.
Status: posted 2 October 2004
Archive: Drop me a note and it's yours. And on that note:
Feedback: Kelandris
Series/Sequels: Apparently I want to play in Jay's head more than this once. Sequels "Addicted to Bob".
Disclaimers: Everything belongs to Kevin Smith, blah blah blah, no intent to infringe copyright, yada yada yada, powers that be, purely intended as fan tribute, whatever. Rave on, rave on. Save the Empire.
Notes: Still have no idea. My JayMuse has been bugging me for this for two weeks solid. Which is really weird considering this is a love and denial piece.

(**poke**)
("Jay? What the fuck?")
("Shut up and write, bitch.")
Summary: Jay's still in love and still not dealing.
Warnings: Homosexual sex, implied homosexual sex, two men kissing each other, lots of self-referential childhood abuse stuph.


"Dazed and Confused"
by Kelandris the Mad


No pussy on the boy.

Yeah, I'm good with the detail shit, I notice that right away. I am fighting my natural guy urges here to keep lookin' at you, and part of me really fuckin' wants to look away.

A'course, the rest of me wants to throw you out of the bathroom and onto the floor and hump you 'til we both pass out screamin--

Shit. Here we go again.

You know, you'd think all those years pimpin' my ass on the streets woulda taught me not to mess with boys. Fuckers. 'Specially the old ones. The ones I had to nearly e-fucking-rode my jaw tryin' to get 'em up and movin'. Shit, not like I cared, but it was the money, man. You suck a lotta dicks at $20 a pop, pretty soon you're lookin' at a comfy crib, three squares, some check-out-*this*-action threads. You don’t go after the nobodies, but some days, man, whatever walks by with a dick who'll pay you...Anyway. Shit, it's not like any of this fuckin' matters.

Not now, anyway. Not when you're all cascading water over glistening dark hair and looking at me with those motherfuckin' eyes.

Aw, man. I like chicks. I like pussy. I like pussy and I like chicks. Why I gotta get all hung up on a fuckin' guy for, anyway?

Can't help it, my eyes look down, and like you can feel the look, that python between your thighs starts to wave my way. Oh, yeah. I remember now.

I shake my head. Shit, this is fucked up. No. No no no, can't do this, can't do this again, I am fuckin' *straight* now. Man, I thought we covered this.

"Jay."

Fuck. I am so very, very fucked. That voice of yours...Man, I have no idea if it's something about you not using it that often, or if you always had a fuckin' sexy voice and I just had no clue for, like, forever. But now it shivers over me, runs fingers down my spine, makes my fuckin' knees go weak. Get that shit. My knees are wobblin', just from my name on your lips. Those...perfect...red...

No, no. Not goin' there. No. Fuck no. I'm leavin'. I'm leavin' right--

"Jay?"

"Comin'."

And now I'm yellin' at myself. What the *fuck* am I doin'? I'm *undressing*, is what. I'm takin' off my pants and my tee and my underwear and I'm movin' into the damn shower and--

Fuck. Up close you're even more pretty. I'm doomed.

You hand me a sponge or something and I sneer, but your back is turned so you don't catch it. I look around and see some soap, and shrug, and soap up the sponge, and start scrubbin' your back. Everything I ever done in my life, and this is a new fucking experience: washing some guy's back in a shower. Together. Fucked up, man.

But...there's somethin', I dunno, comforting maybe, just bein' close to someone. I'm scrubbin' your back and watchin' the skin get all red and listenin' to you almost fucking *purr* by the time I'm done. And I've scrubbed your neck and your sides and your upper arms and your back and your waist and now my hands are all soapy. And I'm thinking, what the hell? You know? I bite my lips, handing the sponge back, and then stroke down your skin, and it is so fucking soft. Softer than a chick's, man, and I seen what some girls put on their skin, so that's, you know, a high fucking compliment or some shit. And my hands are moving, moving on your soapy skin, and you're still in that kinda, you know, sighing stage, and I let my hands wander more, and about the time I realize my hands are on your fucking ass, you turn around.

And your eyes...Shit, it's like, they're still brown and shit, but now it's like they're on fire or something, this deep burning glow from inside. And I watch as you lick your lips, swallowing, and shit, you are so fuckin' *hard* right now, I can tell just lookin' down. And you move, it startles me a little, and I jump back. My back hits the cold tiles, and I shriek, and that's all the time I have before you're kissin' on me again.

And, oh, man, I'd tear an arm off for this never to stop. Fuckin' shit. This is it, this is all I fuckin' want out of life. This and good beer. This, and good beer, and some good porn, and--fuck it, let’s go back to the kissin'.

Shit, did anyone ever tell ya you're a fuckin' master at this? Damn. Jedi Master of kissin', I am *not* fucking kidding. I could fucking come right fucking now just from your tongue in my mouth.

And, shit, you're not like the other braincases I've known--hells, half of 'em wouldn't kiss me at all, 'cos it was too fuckin' in-ti-mate or some shit, and the other half, it was like suckin' on an oyster, slime and clammy weirdness and no real motion. Now me, I practice and shit, so, okay, I know I rock at this. But you...you're not a pro, man, and you still kiss like someone's wet dream. Fuckin' cool.

And now someone's moanin' real loud, and right as I hear it, I realize it's me. And right as I realize it, I realize a few other things: your hands are holding my head in place while you kiss me, totally owning my mouth (and fuck, a few other things) for the moment. And you're still so fuckin' hard, and now you're pressed up against me. And last, the water's gettin' kinda cold. This one, when I get a breath, I point out, and you kind of laugh, stepping into the spray and quickly rinsing off, gettin' the soap off you and scrubbing shampoo through your hair. I should do that too, I'm thinkin', but damn, if I move I'm gonna be on the floor, 'cos my legs are all rubbery.

And shit, if you don't somehow know this, and turn around, and grab me. Your arms are around my waist, and you're pulling me close, and I see you reach for the shampoo and I close my eyes. Now it's all sensation: your fingers moving through my hair, the slick feel of soap on my scalp, and your hands rubbing shampoo into my scalp, along my hairline, down to the tips of my long hair. Fuck, man, this is nearly better than sex. Okay, I'm lyin', there ain't much out there better than a really fine piece, but shit if this don't come close. I lean back against you, and all my reservations are being washed away from me, along with the suds from my hair.

When you pull me out of the shower, you help me dry off, and shit, babe, you might as well collar me now. I am totally your toy.

And, shit, I feel like I might pass out now, too, 'cos you dry my arms and then kiss the knuckles, and then dry my chest and kiss my shoulders, and dry my back and kiss the back of my neck, making me shiver all over. By the time you're done, putting down the foot you lifted to dry, and kissing the instep, I'm moaning again, I can't help it. Just having your head at crotch level is doing funny things to my head.

Both of 'em.

I watch as you turn and leave the bathroom, and just hang there for a minute, panting. I hear your bedroom door open and fast, follow after. By the time I get there, though, you're sitting on the bed, lookin' at me. Your eyes are wide and dark and I could just fall right fucking in if I'm not careful, but there's more going on here, suddenly.

I sit down, feeling uncomfortable, and weird, and twitchy all at the same time, and look at you. And you look at me. I can't read half of what’s going on in those big eyes, I never could, so I just wait, and hope you'll tell me.

You don't disappoint.

All this shit pours out of you, how you'll alter the friendship forever, how if we don't like each other in the morning one of us might wanna leave, and you just couldn't take it, and how you don't want to fuckin' lose me...Alla that shit. By the end of it you're nearly cryin', and worse, your cock's gettin' other ideas. It’s goin' off to read somethin', and now I'm fuckin' worried. I gotta pull out the big guns, I think.

"You want me, right?" I ask.

You nod, looking down. I tilt your head back up. Shit if I'm flying in the face of all hetero reason alone, man.

"You like me?"

Another nod, but you don't check your toes this time. Okay.

"Maybe more?" I hedge.

After a pause, you nod again. And I throw all I have at the wall in my head, the wall that says, tell the truth and they'll kill you for it, the wall that says, don't show your true feelings, that's how you get hit, the wall that says, don't take that risk, it leads to broken ribs. I get out the major artillery, pound at that motherfuckin' thing, and finally succeed in cracking a fingertip's-width crack in the center. Small for all that effort. But big enough for what I need.

And I take a deep, deep breath, and step through the crack, all that I'm able to.

"Me too," I whisper. "So this is like, true love and shit."

Your big eyes get bigger, and you bite your lips, but then nod. Oh, thank God. I relax maybe a millimeter from Defcon 4, and smile. It's thin, it's nervous, but it's there, and I watch as you do the same. Great. We're good. We're happy. We're retarded for each other. So let's get to the fuckin'.

"Good," I say aloud. "So fuck me already."

And I love a man who takes orders, don't you? Damn, like you needed more than one invitation. You fuckin' pounce on my bones, driving me flat back on the bed, growling, clawing at me, nipping my skin. Shit, you suddenly have eight arms and they're all moving, and it's all *fine*. I can't breathe for a moment, you're inhaling all my air with your lips pressed against mine, and you're moanin' in my mouth, and shit, Bob, I'm gonna pass right out if you keep suckin' on me like this--

Shit. Whew. Okay. Calm it down, big boy. Lemme breathe for a minute. Man, that's fuckin' good, but shit, a man could *die* from that, you know? Shit.

Wait. What you doin' with that lube? You don't think you're goin' to--

MOTHERFUCK...! Oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck, oh God, don't stop, just don't--fuckin'--stop...


END
*****************
Kelandris the Mad
tell me of the time you tried to kiss me, and I slipped through your fingers like mist


If you wanna go back, go back. If you wanna read the first one, again, read it. If you wanna go somewhere else...hey, I ain't stoppin' you.

Or if you want, write me.